How to Get Over Someone You Still Love

Here's the hard bit nobody says out loud: getting over someone isn't the same as not loving them anymore. You can miss them at 2am, want to text them, and still know that going back would be a mistake. The love doesn't switch off on schedule. What you can control is what you do with it.

So this isn't about killing the feeling. It's about not feeding it, giving it time, and slowly building a life where they aren't the centre of it. That's the whole job. It's slow and it's boring and it works.

Why you can't 'just move on'

Your brain got used to them. The good-morning texts, the person you told your day to, the plans that always assumed they'd be there. When that goes, it's a real loss — closer to grief than to a bad mood. Treating it like grief instead of a problem to fix is the first honest thing you can do.

The mistake most men make is trying to think their way out of it — analysing every conversation, hunting for the moment it went wrong, drafting the perfect message that'll make them understand. That's not healing. That's staying attached with extra steps.

No contact isn't punishment — it's for you

No contact gets a bad name because people use it as a strategy to win someone back. Do it for that reason and it'll eat you alive, refreshing your phone for a reply that decides your mood. Do it to give your own head space to reset, and it's the single most useful thing on this list.

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Make it a real wall, not a low fence

Mute or unfollow them everywhere — you don't have to block dramatically, just stop the drip of updates. Archive the old chat so you're not re-reading it at midnight. Every check-in resets the clock and undoes a week of quiet progress.

If the ending was messy or one-sided, some of this overlaps with handling being ghosted and dealing with rejection with your dignity intact. Same core skill: stop chasing a door that's closed.

A plan for the first month

Set a no-contact window and name it out loud — 30 days minimum. Tell one mate so someone knows to talk you down when you wobble.
Do the practical clear-out early: return their stuff, get yours back, sort shared logins and money. Do it once, cleanly, then stop. If you're right after the split, the first steps matter most.
Box up the trigger objects. Don't bin them if you're not ready — just put the hoodie, the photos, the gifts in a bag in a cupboard so you're not ambushed daily.
Fill the empty slots. The gym at 7pm, the call to your brother, the pub on a Friday — the old routine had them in it, so you need new things in those exact gaps.
Book something to look forward to. A trip, a course, a five-a-side team. A future that doesn't include them makes the present easier to stand in.

On the very early days, the mechanics of the split — logins, keys, who tells who — are covered in what to do in the first 48 hours after a breakup. Get the admin done fast so it stops being a reason to contact them.

When the urge to text hits

It will hit. Usually late, usually after a drink, usually when something reminded you of them. The urge isn't a sign you should reach out — it's just the wave. Waves pass if you don't act on them.

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The 20-minute rule

Promise yourself you can send the message in 20 minutes if you still want to. Then do literally anything else — walk, shower, ring a friend. Nine times out of ten the urge is gone by the timer. The tenth time, you're calmer and you dodge a message you'd regret.

If you genuinely need to say something to close things off, keep it short and expect nothing back. Not to reopen it — to put it down.

"I still care about you, and I need some space to be okay. I'm not going to be in touch for a while. I hope you're alright."

Don't rush the 'fixed' feeling

Some days you'll feel free and think you're through it. Then a song plays and you're flattened again. That's not backsliding — that's just how it goes. The bad days get further apart, not gentler in a straight line.

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Don't use someone new as a bandage

A rebound can numb the ache for a fortnight, but you usually just carry the old feelings into it and hurt someone who didn't sign up for that. Date again when you're curious about them, not when you're trying to stop feeling something.

Getting help if it's too heavy

If weeks pass and you can't eat, sleep, work, or you're having dark thoughts, that's beyond a breakup and worth talking to your GP or a therapist about. This is general guidance, not medical advice — and there's nothing weak about getting a professional in your corner when the weight is genuinely too much.

Checklist

I stopped checking their socials and muted the updates
I sorted the shared admin — money, keys, logins — in one go
I put the trigger objects out of sight
I filled the empty slots in my week with real plans
I used the 20-minute rule instead of drunk-texting
I let myself have bad days without calling it a failure

You're not trying to forget them. You're trying to build a life big enough that they become one part of your story instead of the whole thing. Keep the routine, keep the distance, keep going. One quieter week at a time, it stops being the first thing you think about — and that's what getting over them actually looks like.

Written by HelpForMan Editorial Team

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Frequently asked questions

How long does it take to get over someone you still love?

There's no fixed number, but a rough rule people find honest is that the sharp pain eases over weeks and the deeper attachment over several months, depending on how long you were together. What speeds it up is no contact and rebuilding your routine; what slows it down is checking their socials and reaching out. Judge progress by how far apart the bad days are, not by whether the love has fully gone.

Does no contact work if I still want them back?

No contact works best when you do it to heal, not as a tactic to win them back — using it to trigger a reply usually keeps you hooked and anxious, waiting on your phone. It can create space that occasionally leads to reconnecting, but treat that as a bonus, not the goal. Go in expecting nothing and it protects your head; go in expecting a text and it becomes torture.

Should I stay friends with someone I still love?

Usually not right away. Staying friends while you still have feelings tends to keep the wound open — you get just enough contact to stop grieving but not enough to feel okay. Take a real break first, months not days, and only consider friendship once you can hear about their life without it hurting.

Is it normal to still love someone months after the breakup?

Completely normal. Love doesn't run on the same clock as a breakup, and lingering feelings after months don't mean you made a mistake ending it or that you're stuck. What matters is that the feelings are getting quieter and no longer running your day. If they're as raw as day one and stopping you functioning, that's worth talking to a professional about.

How do I stop myself from texting my ex when I'm drunk?

Take the option away before you drink — delete the thread from easy reach, or hand your phone to a mate for the night. If the urge hits, use the 20-minute rule: tell yourself you can send it later, then do something else until the wave passes. Nearly every drunk text is regret waiting to happen, and the morning-you will thank you for the silence.

Will dating someone new help me get over my ex?

It can distract you, but it rarely does the actual healing, and you risk pulling unresolved feelings into a new relationship and hurting someone who deserves better. There's no harm in casually meeting people again, but do it because you're genuinely curious about someone, not to plaster over the old feeling. If you're still comparing every date to your ex, you're not ready yet.